Hard Times

So here's my somewhat testimony.
God will never allow you to be tested more than you can handle.  Sometimes it feels like God comes pretty close to that line though.

The summer I turned 10 years old my family moved from California to Arkansas.  This was my first time moving and it was a huge culture shock.  I left behind a lot of friends and family.  Most importantly, my dad did not move back with us.  My parents are not divorced.  My parents though it would be best for him to stay while he had a secure job until he could find one in Arkansas.  He moved in with my grandparents and we moved several states away.  He would come visit us often and the first few years we would try to travel out to California.  Times of visits became less often and it wasn't uncommon to go almost a full year without seeing him.  Money is tight and it's not a cheap way home.

During this time my grandma, my mom's mom, began having serious health issues.  It was not weird for me to leave school with a friend or be left at home for hours because all of the adults had to rush to the hospital with her.  She would go and stay for months at a time and I became numb to it.  I got used to not living in a normal life.  Everyday I was sure my grandma would die.  Through a very long process, her health slowly got better.  Still having many complications, she has fewer trips to the hospital with serious threats.

About this time I was in 8th grade.  The early spring of that year brought even more problems.  My mom began having pains in her side.  This went on for a few weeks and my great aunt finally made her go to the hospital on a tuesday night.  Myself and my two younger sisters were left at home late that night wondering what was happening.  We packed bags and just sat waiting.  Just before midnight, my uncle came to take us to our grandparents so we could sleep before school.  The whole day at school we heard nothing.  At the end of the day my grandma picked us up and took us for ice cream.  We went straight to the hospital.  We parked at the hospital and she told us what was going on.  The night before my mom was taken into surgery and had a giant tumor taken out.  Tests came back and it was positive for stage 4 colon cancer that was very quickly spreading throughout her body.

The long process started with chemotherapy.  This was the fourth time my mom had cancer.  All during this time my dad was in California.  He came as much as he could.  My mom had to have surgery to put a port into her body so that the treatment would get to her body.  After two different tried, the treatment could finally be started.  It was a very stressful time.  People would ask us how she was.  At age 13 I had to know how to talk to people about it and not breakdown.  They just wanted an update. I got used to the fact that my mom had cancer; a disease that seems like she can never get rid of.  My mom won her battle again.

My grandma's health started acting up again and she went to the Mayo clinic in Minnesota.  While there she discovered that she had a form of breast cancer.  After some treatments, my grandma's health was manageable again.

Just over a year ago, my dad's mom had a stroke.  She was in the hospital for only a short time before she died.  I didn't go to California to see her before and didn't get to go to the funeral.  It had been just under 4 years since I had last seen her.  A few month later, her husband, my grandpa died.  Again, I hadn't seen seen him in 4 years.  His death was was more sudden.  He had been in the hospital for only a few days.  All of this happened in my senior year of high school.

This whole time I had to keep my grades up in school.  I had to be smart.  I had to get scholarships.  I had to apply for college.  I had to figure out what I was doing with my life.  I felt like had all of these things I had to do and I couldn't take time for myself.  I was the older sister and when my mom couldn't be strong, I had to be so my sisters could see that it would be okay.  I had to be strong and not let my emotions out because once they started coming I wouldn't be able to control them.  No one told me that I needed to be that way but it was easier for me to be like that.  I was so emotionally unstable.  I cried myself to sleep every night for months because I felt like everything around me was falling down and I couldn't do anything.  If I was supposed to be that strong person I couldn't show that I was having a hard time getting through things.

Now I know that God was testing me.  Even though I felt completely alone God was with me the whole time.  I am still going through so much right now that I can't even imagine how I am making it.  I have learned to rely fully on God and that it's okay if I don't have it all together.

I'm not saying that my life is all better.  Just because I realized that I need to rely on God more doesn't make everything that is attacking me right now is any easier.  Still 9 years later, I barely see my dad since he is still in California.  One set of my grandparent have died and I never got to say goodbye.  My grandma in Arkansas still goes to doctor's appointments weekly.  My mom has regular check ups.  I made it to college by the grace of God providing starting funds (at the very last second).  I am still lacking but believing He will finish what He has started.  I have no idea what I am doing in life.  I don't have anything together, I'm a complete mess.  I know that everything I have gone through God will use for His glory.  I feel like I can handle whatever God throws my way.  I know that it's okay to breakdown and show others that I need help because I can't make it through alone.  I've tried.  My relationship grows stronger and stronger with each day and with each thing that God chooses to let interfere with me life.

So yeah I've had a pretty hard life.  This is only cracking the surface.  I'm not here to say, 'Hey my life is really hard pity me. Take it easy on me.  Your life isn't as hard as mine.'  I don't know what you can handle.  Maybe I can handle a lot more than you, and maybe I can't.  The point is that I know God has given me what I can handle.  He might be giving me more to show me how strong I actually am.  God won't give me more than I can handle and He will always be there helping me along the way.

This Past Week

I am so excited.  I get to go home for the first time tomorrow.  I can't believe how fast this year has been going.  It still feels like we just moved in.  I am so ready to see all my family and friends.  It will be sad to miss a day of class and chapel.  This is the first time I am skipping. Crazy. But I know that I will be fine from it.  Any time I have the option to go home, I will.  I know that in the future I won't always have the opportunity to see all of family together.  

This past week I decided to pray with girls in my dorm from 3am-6am.  Not sure how you would think about this, but I was so excited to see what would happen.  I went to bed around 10 in order to maximize my sleep.  That didn't really help.  I was so close to leaving around 3:45 and going back to bed.  But I felt like God had things planned for me.  I needed to stay and pray and listen to all He wanted to tell me. 

This is the first time I have ever prayed that much.  It was really intense.  At times I didn't even know what to pray for.  I prayed for my parents, my siblings, my niece, my brother-in-law, my grandparents, and friends.  This was the first time that I took time and prayed specifically for them.  It was so cool.  I didn't know how to pray for them at first.  As I prayed, I really feel like God showed me what I should be praying for them.  

I had no big "Ah ha" moments when I prayed.  I did spend 3 hours of prayer with my God.  How can you want anything different than that?

Tonight we are having all dorm prayer.  This is a shorter period of prayer, but just as effective.  I love coming together as a dorm to pray for all the needs of this campus and community.  It is so cool praying with people who you may not know yet have so much in common.  In the sense of praying that is.  I never thought about how much I missed out on by going to a public school.  Prayer is apart of everything we do at this school.  I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

One Month Later

Well, it's been exactly a month since I moved in at SAGU.  And has the time flown.  I was so nervous coming down here. Nervous about classes, meeting people, and of course money. But God has a plan all worked out that He is letting me see little by little. He is the reason I am here.

It feels like we've been here forever yet only been here for a few days.  Everyday I meet new people and I actually talk to them.  A big shocker to me and anyone who knows me.  I never talk to people unless I know them.  I feel at home with the people that I have met.  It's nice knowing people who I have common ground with.

Then there's always the school work.  Which is not that hard for me! I somehow am always ahead on all of my work.  This is by the grace of God alone.  My study habits have magically transformed from high school.

As for money, I still have no idea where I am getting it from.  But I have full faith in God that He will finish providing for what He started.

This first month has been a crazy one.  College is nothing like I expected.  And everything that people warned me of....is the exact opposite.  I guess that's what you get when you come to bible college.  I know that it's only been a month but I have learned so much about God and myself.  I can't wait to see what the rest of the semester and my college career in general has in store.  If this month is anything like what it will be, then I can't wait!

Desensitization

So I am kinda boring this idea from my psychology class.  We talked about morals today and this came up. It really got me to thinking...sorry if it comes out weird.

As American's we are used to accepting people as they are.  We don't want to offend anyone.  And we don't like to stand up and say, "hey don't do that it offends me and what I believe."

For example cussing.  As Christian, we believe (whether you know it or not) that it is a sin to use vulgar language.  Yet exposing ourselves to it, we have become desensitized to it.  We no longer care if people around us cuss, as long as we don't partake in the sin we are fine. That is wrong.  At least I think so.  I know that I am very guilty in this area.  I went to a public high school right across from a university.  Students there partook in various drugs, sexual activities, cussing, drinking, and everything else imaginable.   I got used to everyday someone cussing people out in the halls, or someone doing drugs, or someone else getting caught going a little to far on campus.  It stopped bothering me.  I wasn't doing it so I didn't care.

 That's what's wrong with Christians today.  We just don't care anymore.  As long as we stay in line, then everything is fine.  Quoting my mother, "it's not just whether you do it or not, it's the company you keep." Didn't God even say something like that?

Just because you aren't doing it, if you are around it enough, it's going to stop bothering you.  Why? 

People joke about how naive I am sometimes.  Or about how I am such a child.  Know why? It's because I don't understand drug slang terms, I don't understand what people mean when they talk about sex or make jokes about it, I don't cuss at all, I don't understand what a lot of bad words mean, and I don't think any of it is okay to do. Is that cause to joke at? No. It's something to be proud of.  I haven't let peers and society seep into me and convince me that it's okay to let these things go as long as I don't do them. 

I'm not sure if all of this is making sense.  I just basically wanted to say don't let society say it's okay to let things go.  Don't become so used to something that you once considered bad that now you don't let it even bug you.  Stay firm in what you believe in.  If Christians started acting like Christians and followed through with what we believe, then maybe we could see something awesome happen in this country.  Don't let yourself become desensitized to what God has said is wrong. 

School work

College is a huge difference from high school. But for me, not in the way you would think.  

I am doing all my homework, studying, going to the library, staying ahead in all my classes, and finding the classes relatively easy. Yes, I said easy.  Yes, I really am going to college. 

Something about being here at a bible college has just motivated me to be the best that I can be in all the things that I do.  I like getting all I can out of these classes because I know that they will be very important for me later on in life.  And even if they weren't, any Christian should want to get all they can out of these classes.  In just the short few weeks that I've been here, I have learned more about the old testament than I ever thought I would know. The best part, I am remembering all that I am learning and finding it interesting. 

This, for me, is yet another indicator as to why I am supposed to be here.  I strongly believe that God is with me in my studies. If any of you know, I was not the best student I could have been in high school.  I rarely did my work, didn't pay attention in class, and NEVER read any of the material I needed to.  Not to say I was a horrible student that failed every class.  I just mean that I was only slightly better than average when had I applied myself, I would have gotten a lot more out of everything I learned.  God is giving me a knew love for the knowledge He is allowing me to get.  I can't forget that it is God that brought me here. He's the one paying for it.  So when I do my work, I have to keep in mind that I am doing this for God.  He provided me the brain, the time, the money, and everything else.  The least I can do is utilize the things He is giving and do His will.

School, like I said, is easy for this reason.  God is right by my side helping me and encouraging me with everything that I am doing.  So how could that not make things easy and worth while?

Distractions

I heard someone say the other day "If I fall asleep and God isn't on my mind, then something is wrong.  If I wake up, and God isn't the first thing on my mind, something is wrong."

Everyone has distractions. Here at college I see that more than ever.  People are so focused on relationships with friends, people you want to be more than friends with, money, school work, jobs...and the list goes on. 

Yes I am guilty of being distracted by all of the above.  But why? You would think that while in a bible university it would be the first thing I learned...put all your focus on God.  You are right.  It is the first thing I learned.  And you know what else? It's not a new lesson to learn.  In fact I guarantee that most people know this. It's how many people are actually able to follow through with it that matters.  

I know how easy it is to focus on anything but God.  That's the way we are in today's time; pushing God to the back burner. We can't afford to do that.  Have you looked around lately? Seen the news? Checked your bank account? Looked at the other nations in the world? God has not forsaken us, we have forsaken Him; taken our focus off of Him and put it on what we classify as important needs.  The thing is, if we focus on God, all our other needs will be taken care of. 

I'm not saying don't abandon school work, or getting a job, or meeting people.  But just don't let any of it become that distraction that keeps you up at night or wakes you up in the morning.  Distractions are always going to be around.  Putting God first will help solve those distractions or take them away.  Let's face it, a distraction isn't always the best thing.  And if God can take it away, just imagine what He will open up for you.

Prayer

Last night we had an all dorm prayer meeting. About 40? people showed up. Not really a lot. But hey, those that came, came ready. It was really neat to get to spend half and hour in prayer with people who I might never talk to.  I was able to pray over specific needs of some girls and over the students in general.

One of my first days here I prayed over a friend to get a car.  Some type of transportation that was not costly.  That same day she was surprised with a car.  I have never had a prayer answered that fast or that amazingly.  I have so much more confidence in how God is going to handle my prayers and needs.  Being here at SAGU is opening me up to a whole new prayer life.  I love spending time with the Lord in prayer.  It is amazing what He will open up to you if you just open yourself up to Him.

We pray a lot here at SAGU. We start every class with it, chapel (several times), over all the meals, in our own quiet time, any ministry on campus we go to, and the list goes on.  I think that in today's time people have stopped revering prayer. We take for granted that God is there when we need Him.

But prayer is more than about asking God for what we need or asking Him to show us something new, it's about talking to our father.  He just wants to spend time with us.  At SAGU I am challenged daily to be in prayer with God.  More than just a "Dear Jesus, Thanks for all you do. Will you please help this person with whatever. Amen."  We spend a long time in prayer.

It's a difficult thing to open yourself 100% up to God in prayer.  I am guilty at times of my mind wondering during prayer when I should be focusing on God.  It's just one of those things that happens and God is helping, as I am willing, me to focus more.

In other things, college is awesome.  I am meeting lots of people everyday.  Slowly but surely adding up friends.  The work is finally at full speed and I just need to stay focused and will do fine.  I started studying in the library yesterday.  Wow. I hate that place soo much.  But it really helped me.  I walked all the way across campus, and had nothing but homework with me.  Then by sitting at a table in the open, I am forced to do work because I feel like people around me will watch to see if I am actually doing it.  Yes, they probably aren't but hey, it's part of the psychological whatever.

So other than that all things are going good. I am really excited about what's happening here.

SAGU Thus Far

Wow. A lot has happened. I'm not sure that I will be able to recap everything but I will do my best.

So the monday before I was supposed to leave for Texas, I was hit with cold, hard reality. College is expensive.  Really expensive.  So much that I was no longer able to attend SAGU (the worlds best university!).  I prayed and told God that I will surrender to His will and that if by friday night I was unable to secure the funds to go this year, I would stay home and go to NWACC and work and prepare for the next year.  Tuesday morning I began the process of applying.  I called my admissions counselor and gave her a heads up that it is a possibility that I will not be coming.  She went through my file and was able to find me multiple scholarships that I did not meet the requirements for yet gave them to me anyway. Through God's blessings, I had to wait only a day to see that He wanted to me at SAGU.  He is my sole provider. I'm not saying that my time here is going to easy and money will be absolutely no problem, though God could make it that way if He desired, I am saying that it is manageable.

In the short time that I have been here, I have already learned so much.  I was able to pray with a friend to get a car or some sort of transportation so that she can come to the school.  That same day she got a car.  I have never been so amazed that I prayed for that and it happened so fast.  Everywhere you go on campus you can just feel God's presence.  The chapels are amazing! I am really gaining new perspectives on my calling and the people around me.  I feel God beginning to do amazing things in me and all the other students around me.

I know that I have only had classes for 3 days, but I already feel so at home.  That is a great feeling and I am reminded daily that God really wanted me here.  Even things that people say in the normal conversation impact me so much.  I have learned so much just by talking to students and hearing the stories that they have to share.

One of my favorite parts about school, aside from chapel, is that everyone is already on a common ground.  We all love Jesus. We are paying a ton of money to come here so we are all very much in love with God.  I love sitting down and just talking about praying or something that God told us.  Each person understand and they don't automatically think you are weird.  We all share a common bond.

I know that it's going to get harder, and there will be lots of stories to tell, but this had been a great start to college!

Summer Heat

Well, it has been a while since I last blogged.

This past week has been so incredibly hot. And yet, my crazy body is still cold. Most days, at least once, I will complain about being cold. Yes, even when it is 100+ degrees outside.

I have been so busy lately hanging out with friends and just enjoying being home that the days are going by so fast. It is so weird to think that in 22 days I leave for college. I am so excited to see what everything is going to be like.  I am ready to start this next stage of my life!!

In other news, I have had a really good week.  I have gotten to hangout with Lauren almost every single day, seen an AMAZING movie, and visited Christina at church a few days in a row.  I love visiting people at church and sitting and talking to them.  I always have a good time when I do.

Hopefully, this crazy heat will leave soon.  I have a packed weekend ahead.  Party and venue tonight, swimming party tomorrow, and a going away party after church on sunday followed by having a friend over.  And that's just the weekend.  My week is just as crazy.

Ha, if you get a chance to see me or hangout with me, consider yourself lucky and among the few.
And now....to get this weekend underway.

Kansas City Youth Trip

Now that I've had a little down time, I can reflect on the part of my time in KC involving my youth group.

This was the last event I was allowed to do with my youth group.  And that really makes me sad.  It's weird to look back and think that, when I came just over two years ago, I hated any time I had to do anything with this group, and now I have to leave it and would love to stay.  I nearly begged to come on this trip.

The drive up was only a three hour trip and so as expected, nothing amazing happened.  I sat in the third row and decided to talk with some of the boys who went on the trip; two of which had just entered youth.  I feel like I am a friend to everyone in the group and even though I am no longer a part of youth, I still want to have those small connections with the new youth.  I got to learn a lot about them and know things about them probably half the youth group doesn't even know. I like knowing that they still saw me as a somewhat friend during that trip even though I am quite older and won't see them for a long time.

Once we got to KC, I enjoyed BBQ.  Oklahoma Joes.  That's all that needs to be said.  Best BBQ I have ever had.  With God as my witness, I couldn't ask for better BBQ.  We each got out own meals and then split a full rack of ribs.  I was a little hesitant on paying $2 for one rib at first.  But my first bite, I would have paid double that.  Talk about an amazing rib.

On the second day, we went shopping.  We enjoyed and outdoor mall and an indoor mall.  New favorite store: Deb. Absolutely loved it.  But hey, shopping is shopping.  Not much to tell there.  However, in between the two malls, we all went to the Melting Pot.  Wow.  So much oooooie gooooooie goodness in a pan.  Cheese, meat, and chocolate.  It is an experience that I will never forget.  We finished off the day at a Royals game. With no personal stake in the game, I watched the game trying to recover from all the food my body was being taken over with.  Royals won so yay.

Our last day was the best day.  We chose between Oceans of Fun and Worlds of Fun.  I chose Oceans.  Best choice.  The day was sooooo hot.  I loved being able to mess around and have fun in the water all day long.  Not to mention my super cute bathing suit.  I absolutely love swimming.  I could do it all day. It was a great way to spend the day.  We ended by going to Cinzettis and amazing restaurant.  While some didn't like it, I loved it!

And that was it.  A very low key trip.  Yes there were fights along the way, but what do you expect? It was a trip primarily full of girls who didn't get full nights of sleep and were out in the heat all day long.  

There wouldn't have been a perfect trip for me.  Either way you look at it, I was only going to mostly enjoy my time.  The whole time on the trip I was focused on 'this is my last trip.'  In such a short time I have really let all these people into my life and experienced so much.  It is hard to see all of that go.  No more crazy youth services, wonderful things like snow and cupcakes ruined thanks to 'talks,' no more camp, convention, fine arts, no more anything youth.  It is really sad to think about.  But I know that I have great things ahead of me.  And I will always have these relationships I've built with the youth to fall back on.  The kids and leaders in that group are really something special.  It is such a unique combinations of people that all love Jesus and love to get to know others.  I am so happy to have been apart of it and use the things I've learned from everyone as I grow up now.

This Kansas City youth trip was a weekend of memories. 

Kansas City

Well, the list seems to be in the back burner now.  It is less and less important for me to finish it.  I am not as concerned.

The summer is rapidly winding up and I am enjoying my days as they come; trying to stay open to the possibilities each day holds.

This past week almost, I have been in Kansas City.  Partly for my last thing to do with the youth group, our summer fun trip, and partly to visit my older sister and her family.  Just over a year ago she got married and about 3 months ago she had the most wonderful baby ever.  I really love this girl.

As I will be leaving for Texas in four and a half weeks, I am really happy for my time with Ava, my niece. We get to see them on limited times as it is, and now I will be moving 6 hours farther away.  A lot of my bonding time with her is important.  I know that I probably won't get to see them in person again for a very long time.  To make up for it, Ava fell asleep in my arms today and then...threw up on me.  How sweet.

I started my day out shopping at my new favorite store called Deb.  They have really cute clothes for great prices.

We leave tomorrow to go back home.  I am happy to be home.  I don't like being away for a long time and it will be good to get back to my daily schedule.  And yes, saying good bye won't be fun, I have no choice.

This summer is nothing what I would have planned it to be.  And I am loving that so much.  Each day has a new surprise for me and I look forward to moving away to college.  It's gonna be a big change but I think I am ready for it.

I'm not ready for the summer to end just yet, but I am loving the way it is wrapping up.

Giraffes

I really want a giraffe. Like no other in this world.  I know I won't ever get one, but I want one. And it reminds me of Chi Alpha tonight.  We talked about being selfish.  Many people can think of a time that they are selfish or thinking "I want I want I want" or "Me me me."

A lot of the selfishness that many people forget to look at is involving their time talents. A lot of the time I am not being selfish but I am not acting out with a selfish motive, but I use my time for things that aren't helping others.  I'm sure you can relate to that.  But what goes along with that is selfishness of your talents. God has given each one of us a talent and a gift.  We are cheating ourselves and others by not using them and are being selfish. If God has called you to pastor, it is selfish of you to not.  He called you that because you can impact someones life and help lots of people.

But don't let that stop you.  If God called you to do something as simple as working as a truck driver...if you don't do it, you are being selfish.  Just because you don't think you are outright helping someone out, or using a gift you have doesn't mean God isn't using what you are doing.

I really got to thinking about this.  I sat on my couch tonight complaining that I will never get a giraffe.  Mean while, I am sitting on my macbook, texting on my new phone, watching tv in my air conditioned, furnished house.  All of the nice things that I take for granted surrounding me, and I still selfishly say that I want more.

It struck me because I wasn't being selfish.  Yet I was.  I think back to all the times when I haven't used my time or gifts for what God wants me to, and feel bad.  Now all I can think about it is what I can do to not be selfish in this way anymore.

Not sure why I felt like blogging about this, but I hope it helps someone realize something.

Anyway, I had a good time at Chi Alpha tonight.  I also went over to a friends and swam and played quelf.  I love that game so very much! I am leaving for Kansas City tomorrow. So very excited about this.  Can't wait to get to see my sister and niece and brother-in-law.

Well, no list items to report.  Probably won't have an update on that for a while.

Late Nights

Lately I have been staying up way later than I should.

Tonight, I pulled a 2am Walmart trip.  These trips are always so fun.  We get to run around and act all crazy and only the night shift workers will ever know. Minus the fact that it's on security cameras. After we left Walmart, we decided we need to play in some sprinklers.  So we pulled over by Starbucks and played in the sprinklers. Ha, I felt like such a kid it was so much fun.

Early today, I went on a visit day. First time ever without Kaitlyn (she is in Chicago for a few weeks so I am hanging out with everyone else).  It was an interesting trip to say the least.  Only got a few actual visits in.  But I did have fun.

These late, late nights are starting to catch up to me.  I just might sleep all day soon so make up for it all.  And I am such a morning person too that nights make no sense to me.  But hey, I guess it's getting me ready for college.  I have a pretty good week planned.  Leaving on Thursday for Kansas City.  I am so excited.  Not only will I get to have fun on a youth trip, but I will get to see my older sister, brother-in-law and wonderful, fat, cute, squeaky, adorable, little niece.  She is getting so big lately.  Maybe all these late nights are preparing me for that so I can stay up all night when she is awake and just hold her in my arms.  I am really gonna miss her when I leave for college.  I know that my time seeing her is going to be severely impacted.

List items I've done recently: visit trip, 2am Walmart, tagged Jesse's car....and nothing else is coming to mind.

One of Those Days

Well, today will be fairly short.

Only item to report...tagging Jesse's car.  Ha, this was a lot more work than it lead on to be.  While waiting for Kaitlyn's car to be fixed (which is an entirely different story) we decided to tag his car while at work.  Little did we know that he was sitting inside waiting for the rain to pass.

We ended up following him, along with his dad and friend, to Harps for lunch.  He was very annoyed but it was very fun.

Since it had been raining, the tag didn't really stick so it was a complete fail.  But hey, we did it so there's another one to check off the list.

As for the rest of the day, I had a lot of fun with Chi Alpha tonight.  We went to a coffee shop and learned all about Greece and a trip that some of the students had just taken a trip there.  It was really nice and then...we went out for pizza.  Kaitlyn and I went a little later that everyone else, but we still had a lot of fun.  I am pleasantly surprised at how I am liking Chi Alpha.  I was not expecting to like it at all.  A few friends along the way, and now I'm not as worried about college. Though it will be completely different, I am seeing that I am slowly coming out of my shell a lot faster and connecting with people.

Overall, the day was awesome.  A little rain, a nice nap, hanging out with friends, and crashing lunch with Jesse? I could definitely go for more days like this!

My Stupidity

So I realize that in my last update, I forgot to mention any list items we have completed.  Well, none.

This is not good. Kaitlyn leaves on Monday and once she leaves, I am on mine own for the rest of the summer to complete the list basically. Anyone wanna join in?!

Anyways, today I paid for gas in change! I felt kinda dumb but it was still fun.  I counted out $5 and paid.  The cashier got annoyed and stopped counting half way through and said "I'm just gonna believe you."

Good thing I tell the truth!  However, I am very stupid.   My car has some "special" features.  And one of them is a gas cap that isn't attached so when I take it off, I set it on top of my car.  About half way home, I looked back to see my gas thing still opened.  I pulled off to the side of the road, and yep, my gas cap was gone.

A few short minutes later, some back tracking....and guess who had an awkward conversation with a worker at Auto Zone? This girl right here.

No other items to report for today.  As long as I can stay awake, hopefully we will be making a trip to Walmart at 2am!!! I love those kind of trips.

We may or may not go on a visit day tomorrow. Depends on the day. All I know is that we have got to get cracking on this list.  We started with 50 items....and have about 30 left.  Summer has gone by way too fast.

California

As the summer is getting closer, and closer to an end, I find myself thinking a lot of California. I can't believe that eight years ago I moved to Arkansas. It doesn't feel like it has been that long. My life really has just sped up.

Hopefully, I will be making a trip to California the first week of August.  I haven't been since Thanksgiving of 9th grade. In the time since, I have lost both my grandparents who lived there.  I know that the full effect of this has not set in yet and will the moment that I step in the house.  I miss them both and look forward to seeing them in Heaven.

Making a trip to California is so important to me.  I need to make this trip without my parents actually driving with me because I feel like it will prepare me for college.  This trip will also let me have one last do whatever experience before I leave.  I miss my family and the places I love going to.

I miss the beach and Disneyland the most.  I grew up going to both very frequently.  I have so many memories with both of these places.  I can always remember at different stages in my life being at the beach or going to Disneyland.  This stage that I am about to leave...has that part missing.

California will always be apart of me.  Taking one last trip before college matters a lot to me because I know that I probably won't get a chance for a trip like this again.  By next year, my dad should hopefully be moved back to Arkansas with the family.  This means no more free pass to Disney, no entire house to stay at for free, and no money. I realize that after this summer, my financial situation completely changes as I begin to pay for college for the rest of my life.  I know that God will provide.

California is an amazing place.  And I can't wait to be back to the state I lived most of my life in.

A lot of Some Random

Well, firework's is over!!! Thank you Jesus. I logged a total of 130.5 hours of work in and eight day period. Yeah, I am very tired from that. But don't worry...the pay was....okay well let's just say Kaitlyn, I, Michael, and Brian all laughed for a good five minutes pulled over on the free way.

But I still had a lot of fun.

I was majorly creeped by a guy who came in THREE TIMES!!! Each time getting worse and worse. Let's just say I would have loved people to have saved me and when Brian finally did, Kaitlyn and Bradley just laughed at my misery. Other than that, I really stepped out of my comfort zone and talked repeatedly to others who I don't know at all. Slowing but surely, I am losing my shyness. We shall see if this keeps up when summer is over.

Other than that, things I accomplished include: standing on the side of the road holding signs, swimming in a lake (more or less), and splatter painting (which was really fun).

We still have a long list ahead of ourselves but I feel like we are making some great progress.

My life in general lately....ehh I can't complain.  The hot, hot weather really drains all my energy.  And if that wasn't enough, today is the first day since my 130.5 hour work week that I can completely not worry about doing anything else. It was a nice change to lounge around and paint. Ha. I am no artist but it was really fun and I could almost feel the stress leave me.

In other news....I will probably never ride on a motorcycle.
Running to save Kaitlyn at the gas station, because get this she couldn't open a gas can!!!, I tripped.  I was stepping off of wet grass onto the asphalt and just went down face first.  I braced myself by sliding along my elbow and hand then flipped over myself that way my legs could share in this pain.  Luckily...only Michael saw this happen.  I am perfectly fine aside from my right hand.  I have a very big burn type sore and I feel very pathetic.  I can hardly do anything and I laugh at that.  Who knew that me, someone who walked off breaking my foot (until the day later of course), would be limited from a hurt hand.

But hey, that's life.  Well, I think I am all caught up now. Hope you all enjoying reading about my life! It's been a crazy week, but I would gladly do it again.

Fireworks!

Firework's season is upon us. I really enjoy this time of year....to bad it completely drains my energy.

I am working a firework stand with church to raise money for a missions trip to Honduras next year.  I signed up for almost every available spot.

Meaning I am working about 95+ hours this week and next.

Just thought I should do a little update.

Bucket list items....none to report but I will be making a visit trip tomorrow!
Can't wait.

This week is going to be very long but I know that fun times are ahead.

Youth Camp 2011

Wow! That's all I can say.

This past week is not at all what I thought camp was going to be like or at all what I would have picked but  it was amazing.

Monday:
We started off our trip and no one got sick. What a relief as compared to last year.  When we got to camp we got our rooms and set up all our beds and pretty much just hung out until dinner and service.  And the service did not disappoint. We talked about Salvation and how important it was.  It was a great way to start the week.

Tuesday:
Well finally a full day at camp.  And we got to play the gray team all day; which means we were able to hang out with our youth sponsor Mandee all day who was stuck with another team....and to the liking of everyone on my team, the gray boy's team captain (who yes I did eventually talk to).  The day was great.  Service that night was about love and coming out of our own jungles that we have been stuck in.  It was really, really great service and I believe that if all the kids who were in the alter hold firm in their faith, it will stay with them forever.  It will with me.

Wednesday:
By far the hottest day thus far in the week.  It was just like tuesday activity wise minus the gray team of course.  Very fun.  However, I completely failed at kickball.  Oh well.  Service on Wednesday night is always about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and I knew this.  The whole day my mind wasn't focusing on the day because I was very concerned about the service.  In the past I have tried and tried to be filled and I just can't get my mind to shut up.  During service I kept replaying past times when I wasn't filled and was telling myself that at the end of the night I would probably end up on someone's shoulder crying.  Well service was great and several kids were newly filled with the Spirit.  However, at the end of the night I was not.  The beginning of the alter I was left alone basically.  I could hear others around me but I didn't have a single hand lain on me.  I feel like during this time I was able to have some one-on-one time with God.  Later in the alter i was surrounded by people.  I was very worked up and really couldn't do anything.  My youth pastor Brian came over and prayed for me and by the end of the service I was finally calmed down.  Not the way I was planning for the night to go.

Thursday:
Thursday was sleep-in day.  Really I don't care that much because I was awake at the normal time anyway.  We had team games or whatever they are called (where all the teams compete with each other all at once).  We finished in 6th place which is awesome because last year we came in 8th a.k.a. last.  Then we headed off for showers and for the second day in a row....I didn't have to wait.  I was one of the first girls back (thanks to some very fast running) and enjoyed not being yelled at to hurry. At service that night we talked about faith.  The kind of faith it takes for miracles and healing to take place.  Then we had healing alters.  In front of our eyes people were being healed.  People who were deaf could hear, cysts were literally disappearing, pain from all over gone. It was amazing.  Usually when people think of having a healing service you tend to think of old people.  But to know that even teens praying for other teens and being healed was happening just boosts everyone's faith.  It really was an amazing service to be in.  God was everywhere.

Friday:
Well, we made it to the end of the week. It was very, very sad for me and Kaitlyn because this is the last year we were able to come to camp as students.  We woke up, packed, cleaned, and had on last little closing remarks and were sent on our way.  The drive home was.....not at all ideal.  From losing vans, to sick kids, to being almost 30 minutes behind other vans getting back, and then being on vans that I'm gonna be honest here, I would have never picked in 1000 years.  But we did all make it back safely.

Bucket list items we completed: we started at the stars, made a new friend, and put whoopie cushions in people's beds.

Overall, I still would have changed the week if it were up to me.  Certain things I was wanting to happen didn't.  And things I didn't want to happen did. I know that it was up to me for that and I let myself down .  I still had a great time and would love to stay for another week.

Tomorrow starts firework stands and I am very excited.  The only down side is that I will have to miss church on Sunday to work.  I was really looking forward to being in God's presence again.

Camp was amazing and I can't wait until I can go again as a counselor.  It's been a crazy, up and down, awesome week.

Almost That Time

Well, it is the night before camp. And to say I am excited is like saying the ocean has a hint of blue for color. Bad analogy but whatever.  Last year at camp I was called into ministry and throughout the year developed more into that calling and what all it would in-tell.  I still don't have all the answer's but am already excited.

This year at camp I am expecting nothing less than last year.  Complete and total attention on God for week.  I can't wait to see what I learn and how I grow.

I am ready to sum it up.  Sleep is a necessity however I am not sure how much I will be getting.

Camp surely promises a long blog when I get back.  I am going to journal every night so when I get back I will already have the blog's all written out.

Until then, enjoy your weeks and I hope that as God is working in my life at camp, He works in yours at home.

Sunny Days

Today I am feeling very tired and will just get straight to the point.

I went hiking at Devil's Den.  It was sooooo fun and now just want to go back and keep going.  The heat killed me though.  Hence my being so tired.  The list is coming along great.

After hiking, I went to the movies with Keylee.  We saw Thor and it was a great movie.  I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it.

Well that's about it for today.  As I said I am just getting right to the point.  Hiking was amazing but that sun will do it for you.

Tomorrow is Father's day and I am only partly looking forward to it.  I find myself very envious of others who take for granted their dads.  I won't get to see my dad for a while.  I miss seeing him a lot.  And I know that going to college out of state means that even when he get's to come home and see us that I won't always get to see him.  We don't get to celebrate him tomorrow and he will just be at home in California alone.  It is a sad story.  Father's day is good but I am not looking forward to completely emphasizing the fact that my dad isn't close to hug and celebrate.

The only upside to tomorrow is that camp is on monday.  I am so excited that it is finally here. It will be amazing and I will definitely write about it when I get back.

Until then, I'll just enjoy these sunny day's that seem to take all my energy away.

Fishy Friends

Today, Kaitlyn and I took on fishing. I am by no means a pro, but when you compare our fishing skills....i deserve a medal.  To start with, neither of us have fishing licenses so we resorted to my grandpa's pond other than Beaver Lake.  Let's just say that this pond is full of rocks, and plants, and fish...that aren't hungry.

We stood outside fishing for about half and hour....enough to count as fishing and then went swimming (in the pool not the pond).

I know exactly how to fish and all that jazz.  Kaitlyn...has a lotta heart.  Let's just say she reminds me of Bill Dance.  Which by the way, to know what I mean, go to youtube and type in Bill Dance bloopers. You will understand. He is really funny. Anyways, I had to help cast and basically do everything.  She has never fished much in the past to her defense however that is a lame excuse for this.  Her line was also continuously tangled.  My sister McKayla and I alternated being Kaitlyn's little helper.

The day was really fun. I started out by taking my grandma to her hair appointment followed by lunch and shopping for grandpa for Father's Day, to "fishing" and swimming.

I love swimming and am so happy that I got to today.  It was really fun and something that I hope my kids will enjoy when I have them.

Fishing was the only list item we marked off today but it was nice having a laid back day.  We have so busy running around everywhere lately that it was nice to stay pretty in Goshen almost all day.

Tomorrow starts an almost non-stop month for me.  I will be at church followed by hiking all afternoon with The Venue.  Then Sunday is always filled with church; but on top of that, I still have to pack.  Then on Monday, I leave for church camp which is one week of awesome.  We get back on a Friday.  Then the next Saturday we set up for firework stands which will consume all of my time until July 6th.

Hope to post sometime in there.

Well, we may or may not stare at the stars tonight. All depends on the clouds.  This week overall has been a really good week. Not because we are making progress on the list, but because we are having a lot fun with a ton of stories to tell with each other.  A good friend is always good to have a good friend to make your last summer before college amazing....priceless.

It's been a good week and a great intro into what the rest of the summer holds.

Visit Day

Today Kaitlyn and I made a lovely round of visit trips all over NWA.

This was started last year when we were jut driving around bored and saw random friends at work.  Today we saw Christina, Kyle, Pastor, the park!!!!!, Colby, Traci, and Bradley.  In that order.

Oh, and not to mention Nana.

We had so much fun just driving around and seeing people.  We took Colby a little smoothie from McDonald's and Bradley a doughnut from Krispy Kreme.


After visiting people, we went to a Naturals baseball game and WON!!! what a great way to end the day.  Not to mention a super hot guy at the game.  Back up pitcher for a reason but hey, he has his looks.

So check a visit day off the list! Then I was texted.....creepily.

Then we went to our good friend Morganne's house and forked her front yard. Okay, so we didn't do a lot a lot but hey, this was still fun.

So part of #5 and all of #15 are checked off.

Today was a well spent day and I would gladly repeat all (minus that texting) of it!

Day One

Well I have always wanted to start a blog and am just now getting around to it.  My good friend Kaitlyn and I made a bucket list for our summer since we are both leaving for college.  We are under way with 50 items to complete ranging from kidnapping people, to telling someone your life story, to sending a note in a bottle.

Last night, we went Christmas caroling to our youth pastor's house.  Yes, it is June.  We also did a chinese fire drill...which definitely got my heart racing.

Aside from the crazy things we are doing, we are just trying to enjoy our summer at home without spending lots of money.  Both of our lives are about to change completely as we leave for college.  It will be so different not being at home or seeing all the people we love.  This summer is our last "freedom" you could say.  We aren't bound by a school yet and don't have jobs we are tied to.

This summer is going to be the best we've ever had; so I hope that you keep up with us.  I will post after every activity we do.

Just enjoying our free, fun, exciting summer. What a life!